John & Julie GottmanWelcome to Gott Sex?, a unique website about how to make real love, not just impersonal shallow sex. What’s different about this site? Lots of sex education sites are all about the mechanics – lick here, touch there, try this new contorted position, add some whipped cream… And those are fine. But few (if any) of these sites teach you how to make sex deeply meaningful and intimate. And once you’ve had personal and deeply loving sex, you’ll agree that intimate sex is definitely more fulfilling in every way.

To get what we mean when we say good loving sex, think about the difference between personal, loving sex and pornography. When people hear “pornography,” they think of internet sites, videos or magazines. But “pornography” is also very common in people’s sexual relationships, because at its core, pornography is about only getting off for yourself, and using your partner’s body parts to both titillate you and bring you to orgasm. It has almost nothing to do with your partner’s pleasure, needs, or feelings. There’s no cherishing of each other. It’s genital to genital release – and that’s about it. Tits and ass. There’s no building of emotional connection and closeness.

On the other hand, even though physical release may be involved, loving sex is a cherishing of each other’s minds, hearts and bodies – the whole person that is our partner.

Couples who have loving sex treasure each other as irreplaceable, like the finest wine. They think of each other as “my beloved,” not “the hot body I get to have tonight.” They long to touch their partner not just to get off, but as a way to express the pure delight, warmth and awe that is the music of lovemaking.

In long-term and lasting relationships where couples enjoy intimate sex, they make love a lot over the years. But rather than getting bored, the lovemaking keeps getting better and better, because these couples communicate about their needs, their fantasies, and their feelings as those evolve over time. It’s that ability to communicate about sex that we want to give you here: the tools to know your partner’s wants, needs, special preferences, vulnerabilities, and delights, so you, too, can share in loving sex, and not just mess around with body parts. Loving sex leaves you close and fulfilled, not empty and alone.

Take a look around and explore what our site has to offer. Make sure to check out all the free content on our Gott Sex Blog. If you decide to give our program a try, do the exercises together with your partner and practice what you learn with each other. Overall remember this: every positive thing you do in your relationship is foreplay. No matter where you’re starting from, you too have the potential to create loving and beautiful sex with your partner. So enjoy!

-Drs. John & Julie Gottman